A couple of weeks ago, I finally got a motorbike! While a bit scared at first, I have found that driving here in Bali is much like driving on the road that is life, and I have learned a couple of very important lessons. In life and in driving, you must pay close attention to everything going on around you and be aware of changes – large and small. And you must not hesitate, just go or you may miss a perfect opportunity!
My mum and I took our pembantu (housekeeper), Iluh, to dinner one night on the tourist strip in Legian. We made “sweet memories” (i.e. we took way too many goofy posing photographs, with the Asian-style peace signs!) and got to learn about Iluh’s life outside of our home. After getting pregnant a couple of years ago, she was forced to marry the father of the child, Made. That child was eventually miscarried. Despite Iluh’s emotional suffering and her in-laws’ disdain at her inability to carry a child to term, she stayed with Made and eventually became pregnant again. Since their healthy daughter’s birth, Made has not been able to hold down a job, while Iluh slaves away at two. Iluh and his family argue constantly about how their daughter, Ninda, should be fed and clothed and educated, all the while Iluh is forced to give up all her hard-earned money to them. Iluh eventually left Made and went back to live with her mum, which has caused its own problems. According to Balinese custom, when a woman marries, she is supposed to live in the community of her husband’s family. Iluh’s mother’s banjar (community association) can therefore collect as much money as they see fit because she is not living where she should be. Iluh continues to fight with Made and his family, but divorce is not really an option as it is too expensive and can cause even more problems with both banjars of the people involved. Iluh hardly gets to see her daughter, as Balinese custom also holds that children are the property of the father and his family. Here I have been, complaining about what to do with my life, that I have too many options and don’t know what to do. I bet Iluh would do anything to be in my shoes; I have the entire world in front of me, with my “beautiful white skin” and my only limitations being my ability to dream. And unfortunately, Iluh is not the only person trapped in her life. I keep meeting Balinese people who have their own unhappy stories, having to go through life not being able to escape the lives set for them. I wonder if it is their contact with the West that has made so many Balinese realize that they are not happy with their lives, that there are people out there in the States or Canada or even nearby Australia, who actually get to chose their own destinies. Is this the new colonization? Spreading ideals of individuality and freedom that do not fit with traditional cultures? I feel almost guilty of my freedom, which allows me to sit in such a beautiful house, reading, swimming, not having to work, and spending my days instead daydreaming and researching possibilities for my future. How did I deserve this while Iluh doesn’t?
The cultural homogeneity here is striking. There are really only religious differences; there are Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and Buddhist Balinese. But physically, everyone looks the same. A fact that makes for a lot of attention as a white person – be it good or bad! Everywhere I go, I hear annoying offers of transportation, tours, and demands to look in people’s shop (Sun Chee will agree with this!). But no matter how tanned I get, my whiteness also makes it quite easy to make friends. I’ve quickly made friends with the DVD salesman on the beach, the servers at a couple of restaurants, and musicians at bars. There are so few white people that I guess those of us that stick around for a while are definitely recognizable – especially when we go to the same restaurants and shops all the time!! It’s such a stark contrast to
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